Bad Apple
by Missingwings
Summary: I usually avoid song!fics, but it fits, and it's not a song!fic all the way through. So here you go. An AU happy ending to Death Note involving LXLight.


**Bad Apple**

 _ **So I recently got into Death Note, and, well, I couldn't resist a happy ending!fanfic about it. And it somehow turned into a songfic, sort of. The song part is only the beginning, then it transitions over. I normally avoid either writing or reading them, but the song seems to really fit.**_

 _Ever on and on I continue circling_

 _With nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony_

 _Till slowly I forget and my heart start vanishing_

 _And suddenly I see that I can't break free._

Light stared out of the window over the city. He had to make a decision soon. Kira must make his move, waiting and procrastinating would get him caught… and killed. He would be given the death penalty for his crimes, without a doubt.

But could he actually do it…? Kill L…? His first real friend…? The one… who he had fallen for…?

No, he couldn't think like that. It was probably just a passing phase. He hadn't really fallen for L, just as Misa hadn't _really_ fallen for him. Light was just an infatuation for the model. And L wasn't even that for Light. The teenager noticed him, but anyone who was chained to someone else for an extended period of time would feel like that. You couldn't spend 24/7 with a person without starting to notice them. It wasn't possible. And scratching that, he was a teenager with hormones. It was natural to feel such things, right?

But still… L was his friend. The first one who he could consider so, the first he could talk with on equal terms. But it had to be done. L was too dangerous to allow to live. But…

 _I can't make a decision. I'm not able to._ Light realized.

 _I'm slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity_

 _With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony_

 _To tell me who I am, who I was_

 _Uncertainty enveloping my mind_

 _Till I can't break free._

L stared at the screen in front of him, aware of Light beside him, staring out the window.

Light was Kira. This was something he knew as a certainty. He didn't have the proof, and the realistic percentage was very low, but while he usually tried to avoid gut instincts, this time he could not. He didn't want Light to be Kira, but at the same time he did. As a friend, he wanted him to be innocent. As L, the detective, he wanted Light to be Kira. Because then he was right. He had won.

But had he really? He was unused to working with people. However, he was _very_ used to working with data. And from what he had analyzed about his feelings…

There was an 85 percent chance that he had developed a crush on Light Yagami, and a 15 percent chance that he had simply started noticing him due to excessive time with him.

And by observing Light, he had concluded that Light had a crush on him, but didn't want to and spent some time convincing himself that he didn't.

He considered Light to be a friend. He was his first true friend, after so long of being lonely. He had no true identity, not really. Who was L the detective? Who was Ryuzaki? Who was L Lawliet?

He didn't have an answer. He didn't remember much before Watari found him, he had no clue who he really truly was. And that hurt the most.

 _Maybe it's a dream; maybe nothing else is real_

 _But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel._

Light felt frustration. He truly liked L, he didn't want to kill him. What could he do?

He could tell him–No. he couldn't share his feelings. It wouldn't matter, it would be meaningless. There was no point. L didn't share his feelings, and confessing could be seen as a tactic to lower his percentage.

 _So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside_

 _And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night._

L was tired. The case was wearing him down, and his feelings even more so. He knew that if Light was really Kira, which L knew he was, then his feeling couldn't have any ending but a bad one. He just wished that he could lock his feelings away and live without them.

 _You can tell me what to say; you can tell me where to go_

 _But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know._

Light leaned back, closing his eyes and pressing his palms against them. L was in charge of everything. That much was obvious. He could dictate where Light went, and when. He could order him to keep quiet, or to tell people everything to do with the investigation. The supposed freedom was just that, supposed. It was a fake freedom, an illusion.

But that didn't stop him from working on his own. He was still in charge of being Kira. He ordered Misa, Ryuk, and, to a lesser extent, Rem. He had the plan laid out. He could carry it out at any time. But did he want to? Could he deal with it? With the guilt? With the loss?

 _If I make another move there'll be no more turning back_

 _Because everything will change and it all will fade to black._

Light _had_ to make a decision. If he gave Misa's memories back, L would die. If he didn't then there was a very high chance of being caught. Or… he could stop altogether. Kira could disappear. But he did all this, he would be the god of the new world! A better world!

But that wasn't why he started out doing it. He started because he was bored. He never called morality into question, not really. He was too good, he had become bored. If he killed L everything would change, everything would be boring again. No one could match up to L. He could give up ownership of the Death Note, and everything would be fine. Before he gave up ownership, he could plant it on someone else, and they would become Kira. He would be safe, Misa would be fine, and Rem would be satisfied. Ryuk had his own Death Note, most likely, so he could return home. The mystery would be solved, everyone would be happy.

Well, L wouldn't buy it, but he wouldn't have much choice in the matter.

 _Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?_

 _Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?_

L sighed, dropping some sugar into his tea. He didn't know what Kira had planned, for all he knew he could die at any moment. He had no idea whether he would live to see the next day, if this night would last forever to him. For all he knew, he would fall asleep and never wake up.

 _This_ , _this_ was the reason he kept his identity a secret. Everyone knew him as L. They didn't know anything about Lawliet. But sometimes, all he wished for was to be able to walk out and be who he said he was. No personas, no aliases. Just L Lawliet. But that couldn't happen. If it was possible, he would be dead by now. That much was obvious from Kira's reaction to Lind L. Taylor.

 _Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay, or should I go?_

 _I've forgotten how to tell. Did I ever even know?_

He solved cases that caught his attention. That was how he worked. This case was one of the most intriguing. The Death Note only added to the questions. But was it all worth it? The knowledge, even without the proof, of his first and only friend being his enemy? That thought hurt, so very much. And he wished with all his heart that it wasn't the case. But he knew otherwise. Should he quit the case? Leave it to the team? But no, he couldn't do that. Light would take over, and Kira would win.

He sighed, taking a sip. He wasn't sure. How did he choose the next move? He couldn't remember. But… Did he ever choose the right path in any of his other cases? He must have, he solved them all.

 _Can I take another step? I've done everything I can_

 _All the people that I see I will never understand._

Light drummed his fingers on the window sill. He had to decide soon. He had to make his final decision. Give in to his pride, and kill L, therefore winning? Or push away his pride and give Kira over to someone else, keeping his friend but losing the game?

He was out of moves. If he didn't stop procrastinating his decision, things would–He didn't know. Things would spiral out of his control.

He watched the news with the others, and people were expressing relief that criminals stopped dying. Why? He didn't understand, wasn't them dying a good thing? Getting rid of bad people?

 _If I find a way to change, if I step into the light_

 _Then I'll never be the same and it all will fade to white._

The outside world was a dangerous place. L knew this well. But sometimes, most of the time, dangerous was more fun. If he came out with who he was, if he told people his full name…

… He would die. It was as simple as that. He would never be able to solve cases without the increased risk of dying. This had proven that. He would die, and L would fade away into the background of names.

 _Ever on and on I continue circling_

 _With nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony_

 _Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing_

 _And suddenly I see that I can't break free–_

He couldn't choose! He couldn't kill L, but he couldn't lose the game! It wasn't something he could decide!

It hurt, because he wasn't used to doubting himself. He was so used to knowing what to do, that this new feeling… It threw him off balance.

His heart or his pride? L or the game? Life or death?

Would he ever be able to choose?

 _Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity_

 _With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony_

 _To tell me who I am, who I was_

 _Uncertainty enveloping my mind_

 _Till I can't break free._

Who was he? Would he ever be able to answer? Would he be able to tell anybody, even if he did know? Could someone help him find out?

What if he asked? But who? Could Light help him? But he was Kira! But he was his friend.

Were they friends? Were they enemies?

He didn't know, would he ever know?

 _Maybe it's a dream; maybe nothing else is real_

 _But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel_

 _So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside_

 _And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night._

He couldn't tell L that he liked him. L would reject him, or toy with him. It hurt, to know that the one you loved would never return the feelings. L knew he was Kira, the other considered him an enemy.

He just wanted to erase the feelings, to feel nothing for the detective that caused him so much pain. He wanted to end the pain, to stop feeling. But that wasn't possible.

 _You can tell me what to say; you can tell me where to go_

 _But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know_

 _If I make another move there'll be no more turning back_

 _Because everything will change and it all will fade to black._

He yearned to tell Light the truth. But he couldn't, Light would either reject him or take advantage of it. He had fallen hopelessly for the boy, and he couldn't deny it. If Light asked it of him, he would be very hard pressed to say no.

But if he did tell him… What if? Maybe… Maybe it would work out. If he told him, there would be no turning back. Once said cannot be unsaid. Once heard cannot be unheard. If he told him it would be in Light's hands. For once, he was lost. There was no percentage for this, and that scared him a little. He was the best detective in the world, and yet he couldn't even control his own feelings?

 _If I make another move, if I take another step_

 _Then it all would fall apart. There'd be nothing of me left_

 _If I'm crying in the wind, if I'm crying in the night_

 _Will there ever be a way? Will my heart return to white?_

Light stood on the roof. He couldn't keep it hidden. He had to tell him. But what of Kira? Was he choosing is heart over his pride? What if L rejected him? It all hinged on L. If L said yes… it would be worth it. But if he said no, it would destroy Light. Everything would fall apart.

He tilted his head back, staring up at the moon in the dark sky. "What do I do? Where do I go from here?" He called out, but there was no answer. Would happiness be possible? Would he be able to reach it?

 _Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am?_

 _I've forgotten how to see; I've forgotten if I can_

 _If I opened up my eyes there'd be no more going back_

 _'Cause I'd throw it all away and it all would fade to black._

He stood across from Light. The boy had called him to the roof, apparently with something important to talk to him about.

"Hey, L? Who are you, really?"

L started slightly, then sighed and tilted his head back. "That's a good question, Light. I honestly don't know."

The other looked at him, startled. "You don't know?"

He shook his head. "No, I don't remember. Watari found me on the streets, but before that… I would like to find out, however."

"… I see. I can understand that."

The detective brought his gaze back down to the college student. "What about you, Light? Who are you?"

The teen dropped his head back, staring at the sky. "I… I don't know. Not anymore."

"So I suppose we're both blind to ourselves, yet we see each other clearly."

"I suppose so. Then tell me this–who am I? Truly?"

"Truly? Where does Light Yagami end and Kira begin?"

At that moment, Light looked vulnerable. "I don't know anymore. Who is Light? Who is Kira? Who's the real me? How much is the Note, and how much is my own decision?"

"Assuming the Death Note manipulates you, in a way."

"It does, I found that out long ago. It suppresses your morality. It was made to kill, by shinigami for shinigami, and humans don't have the ability to resist that power."

"Are you using that as an excuse for your actions?"

"No. An explanation."

L walked until he stood next to him. "This isn't what you called me up here to discuss, however."

"No. It's not." He took a deep breath. "I'm not sure how to deal with this. I'm not used to being uncertain, it's a new experience. I…" Light faltered. "I care for you. You called me a friend, but… I feel more. I tried to erase it but I can't. I couldn't hide it, either."

L stared over the city thoughtfully. "Well, you should consider yourself lucky that I feel the same way. What do you expect to happen now?"

Light stared at him, processing and accepting the sudden acceptance. "I plan to relinquish possession of the Death Note. All memories of my time using the Death Note will be erased. I will have no memory of my time being Kira, but everything else will remain. I will remember the Death Note, but not using it. I'll send the second one to someone else, and we'll solve the case and get rid of the Death Notes."

L turned to him. "And you?"

Light closed his eyes. "I don't know. I suppose I'll just follow my original goal, to become a police officer like my father. Just... as long as you keep in contact."

L tilted his head slightly. "Hmm, you won't enjoy it. You're too similar to myself, you'll quickly become bored. However… you could become my partner. You would work on difficult cases with me, so you wouldn't be bored. And I rather doubt that I would become bored either, with you around."

Light stared at him. "You're… serious? You would trust me, after everything?"

"Of course not, I'm simply keeping you where I can watch you. Though you're much more trustworthy without the Death Note."

"… Thank you."

"Of course. Now, shall we get started on who you'll send it to?"

Light flashed him a smirk. "And take away the fun? I've decided who to send it to, but it would be more fun if I didn't tell you, so neither one of us would know who we were looking for."

L raised a brow, then smiled at him. "Hmm, there is that. Well then, tell me when you send off the note, and when you relinquish ownership."

Light agreed. "That's acceptable."

 _*A week later*_

"You're what?!"

"No way! My Light would never do something like that!" Misa's voice reached a new octave.

They had told the team about their new relationship. Matsuda looked a mixture of shock and happiness. "Uh, congratulations?" he asked, seeming unsure.

"Well at least someone is taking this well." L murmured.

Light hummed in agreement. "I think my dad is having a non-Kira-induced heart attack. And Misa…" He didn't need to finish his sentence.

"I almost feel sorry for her."

"I don't. Misa, I never said that I returned your feelings, you know. You simply assumed that I did because I tolerated you."

Misa stared at him in shock, then scowled. "Fine!" She spun around and stalked off.

Light sighed in relief and L sent him an amused look. "Not a word."

"I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to. I heard you thinking it."

Aizawa and Ide were looking speechless. " I have to admit, I never saw this one coming." Ide admitted. Aizawa shook his head.

"Why haven't you said anything about this?" Chief Yagami looked at his son.

Light shrugged, looking slightly uncomfortable. "I didn't know. I never really paid attention."

The Chief sighed, leaning back. "I'm leaving you in charge of telling your mother and Sayu."

Light paled. "Speaking of heart attacks…"

His father smiled tightly. "She's going to have one."

"You're taking this rather well." L noted.

The Chief chuckled dryly. "Give me a few minutes. I don't think I've made it through my shock yet. I'm… not sure how to deal with this new development." He dropped his head into his hands.

Light and L exchanged a look. "I'll give you some space." L wandered back to the computer.

Light sat next to his father. "Mother and Sayu?"

"You mother wanted us home for dinner tonight, you can tell them then."

"How am I going to explain L?"

His father sighed. "Use Ryuzaki and say that he's on the task force. Mention that he's a couple of years older than you, but not–How much older is he?"

"He's four years. He's twenty-two, I'm eighteen."

His father sighed. "I see. She's going to shocked by all of it, but four isn't a very large difference. It shouldn't be hurt to tell her that. I'm not sure how Sayu is going to react, however…"

Light smiled. "She shouldn't have a problem with it; going by some of the anime I've seen her watching. Her favorite parts of Ouran High School Host Club are the ones with the Twins acting in front of the 'customers'..."

His father sighed. "I feel old, children these days."

Light chuckled.

 _*Dinner that night*_

Light was nervous. He wasn't worried about Sayu, she was accepting. But his mother… He was worried. His father nudged him. He took a deep breath.

 _What's wrong with you? You've killed criminals, faced L, and suddenly you're scared of your mother?_

"So, I'm dating someone." _Wonderful start. Kira must be so proud._

His mother looked up at him. "Oh?"

Sayu was practically jumping up and down. "Who, who?! What's her name?! What does she look like?!"

 _Here's the big moment._ "His, and he. His name is Ryuzaki. Black hair and eyes, pale skin."

Sayu froze for a moment, then squealed. "That's even better! Ooh, sounds handsome!"

Light thought about it. "Not... by normal standards."

He snuck a peek at his mother. She was staring at him in shock. Slowly, the information began to sink in, and she frowned. "Where and when did you meet him, and how old is he?"

Her tone wasn't dangerous, just a little concerned, and he took that as a good sign, talking quickly anyway. "He's part of the task force in the Kira case, we met a while ago. He's twenty-two."

She frowned. "It's a four year difference, but not too large… I want to meet him."

"… Alright." He came close to cursing. _This won't end well. It would be easier to tell her that he's L, then she'll at least respect him._

 _*The next day*_

"… What?"

"I know, but you won't be able to get out of it."

L frowned. "This is a problem. Most people don't have a good first impression of me."

Light sighed. "Just… I don't know." He ran his hand through his hair. "Sit and walk normally, normally for us, tone back on the sweets while at our house. Be _polite._ Don't be condescending. You're smarter than both of them, and they know that. But try to tone it down."

L began to chew on his thumb nail. "What did you tell them about me?"

"I used Ryuzaki for your name. Other than that, just that you're on the task force, your appearance, and your age."

L hummed. "I can work with that. I have a background story for situations like this, in which I can't use my real identity."

"Would you mind telling me, so I won't be surprised?"

He smiled. "I weave some of the truth in, so you know bits. I grew up with an adoptive father in England after my parents died in a car accident when I was seven. I was England's Junior Tennis Champion when I was younger, and I graduated High School at fourteen. I drifted some, trying a few different careers before landing and staying as a detective."

Light chuckled. "If nothing else, it will be interesting."

"Indeed."

 **. . .**

"Misa…"

"I thought… I thought that we…" The blonde model trailed off, tears gathering in her eyes.

He closed his eyes and inhaled, holding it before letting it out. "You saw what you wanted. I kept trying to pull away, to let you know that I wasn't interested, but you ignored them."

"I just… I want someone who cares about _me_. Someone who doesn't care about me being a model… You don't care about those things." Misa tried to wipe away her tears.

"I'm sorry, Misa… I just… I _can't_ return your feelings. Ask yourself this: Do you truly _love_ me? Or do you love what I represent? The fact that I don't care about those things? Other people don't care, you know. They're out there. You just have to find them. I was only a passing infatuation, you'll grow out of it in time." Light ran his hand through his hair.

 _*Two days later*_

"It's strange being here by invitation."

"I bet. It must be strange seeing it through your eyes, rather than through a camera."

"So you did know about them."

"I knew it was only a matter of time. Ryuk helped me find them."

"Where is he?"

Light shrugged. "I don't know. Probably wandering around somewhere plotting something to scare me."

L chuckled.

"Light! You're back!" Sayu ran down the stairs, sliding around the corner and tackle-hugging him. __ **(Known to anime fans as: The glomp)**

"Hello Sayu." He hugged her back.

"Hi! Is this Ryuzaki?"

L inclined his head to her. "I am. It's a pleasure to meet you."

She giggled. "It's nice to meet you to! I'm Sayu! Oh! Hey mom, Light's home! And he brought his boyfriend!"

"Sayu!" Light groaned.

L smiled at him. "It's the nature of siblings."

"Don't I know it. Come on." He led the detective to the kitchen. His mother was standing by the stove, making dinner

"Ah, hello. You must be Ryuzaki then."

"Ah, yes. I am. It's a pleasure to meet you."

She turned and smiled at him. "Well, you're polite at least." Then she paused, taking in his appearance. A moment later she was in mother-hen mode. "Tsk, you look like you never eat! We'll have to fix that. You definitely need to eat more. And you need some sleep, and some sun."

L sent a slightly confused look to Light. "Ah, well. The sun and I don't get along very well. I burn very easily. I get enough sleep to function, at least."

Light hid a smile. L would be fine, his mother immediately saw him as someone to take care of.

As they sat down and began eating, Light's mother started questioning L. "So Ryuzaki, where are you from?"

He paused. "Ah, I'm actually from England. I heard about the Kira case and came over to see if I could help."

She smiled at him. "That was brave."

He shook his head. "Not really. I was curious, and concerned about the method. If Kira was to expand his view worldwide, it would be good to have information about him."

"Maybe, but you were risking your life," she pointed out.

He smiled at her. "It's all part of being a detective."

Sayu jumped in. "Why did you become a detective?"

He blinked, apparently caught off guard. Light gave him props for his acting skills. "Oh. Well after I graduated high school, I drifted for a year or two, trying a few different jobs, before trying it and deciding I liked it. I haven't regretted it."

"When did you graduate?" Light's mother came back in.

"When I was fourteen."

That brought gasps from his mother and sister. "Really?! You're really smart like Light!" Sayu was beaming.

He paused. "Well, yes. I suppose…"

"Wow!"

* _A week later*_

"Alright."

Light and L were standing on the roof, with the teen holding the second Death Note and the two shinigami watching them.

"And you are sure of this?" Rem watched him blankly, and he met her gaze.

"Yeas, I am."

Ryuk groaned. "Aww, now it's going to get boring again. And I'll lose my source of apples…"

Light shrugged. "You'll find some other way to entertain yourself, I'm sure."

"'Spose I'll have to. Ah well, it's been fun, Light."

"Heh, I suppose it has. Goodbye Ryuk, Rem. You remember what I told you?"

"Of course! One bit of fun before I have to return to the shinigami realm."

"It will be done, Light Yagami."

L watched silently as Light took a deep breath and glanced at him, then turned back to the two in front of them.

"I give up ownership of the Death Note, and all memories of my time using it."

L watched as Light's face went blank and the shinigami flew off, before his eyes focused back and he turned to the detective. "Sorry, Ryuzaki. I got distracted for a second. What were we talking about?"

"Ah, the type of work that we'll be doing and the cases that we take. This is important Light-kun, pay attention."

"Sorry, Ryuzaki."

 _*Three months later.*_

Matsuda was shaking his head. "To think that it was him all along! I can't believe it!"

L glanced at him. "It adds up. He and Higuchi worked together for more profit. He drew attention from the real killings with the mass killings of criminals. With all the criminals disappearing, no one noticed the few non-criminals. I'm simply annoyed that I didn't see him before. Still, it was clever."

"So this wraps up the Kira case!" Matsuda beamed happily. "We should celebrate!"

"Yeah, sounds good!" Aizawa seemed more than ready to agree.

"So it's all wrapped up. Good riddance." Ide grunted.

"I'll just be glad to go home!" The Chief sighed with relief. Then he turned to L. "What about you? What now?"

L shrugged. "I move on, find a new case that interests me and solve it."

Matsuda lowered his arms. "Sounds lonely."

He smiled "Not really."

"Especially not after this." Light added.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

Light smiled. "L offered to let me come with him, since I have the ability to keep up with him and I won't drag him down. Or something like that. I agreed, it'll keep me from getting bored."

Matsuda's eyes widened. "You're leaving?!"

Light shrugged. "It sounds like fun. And it'll let me expand my horizons."

His father stared at him for a minute, then chuckled. "I suppose I can't stop you. You're growing up, after all."

"Thanks, dad."

 _*One month later*_

"So where are we going?"

"London. That's where my base is, and I think that you'll enjoy it."

Light smiled at him. "Sounds good."

Kira was gone, Light didn't remember anything about being Kira, and he and L were happy. It was an ending that satisfied the both of them.

 _Yeah… so… this. I feel like I butchered their characters, but whatever. I needed to get this out. So what do you think? Good? Bad? Decent?_

 _Edit: I did a complete revision of this, adding a couple of scenes and making them more in-character. Hopefully._

 _And yes, Sayu is the yaoi fangirl. I had to have at least one. It was necessary._

 _I'm thinking that I'll eventually make a sequel(s) to this. Telling the adventures of L and Light as they solve cases. I'll probably do it, eventually…_

 _Leave a comment please~! Just a few moments of your time~!_

 _But anyway, Ciao~!_


End file.
